Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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