her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
