My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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