this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
