anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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