dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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