hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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