Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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