i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
