I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
