i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
In America we eat man semen.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
