Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we're so committed to being not committed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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