NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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