I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
