You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
