I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
