how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
being pregnant is like rehab
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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