I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
