So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
