I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
