Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
