Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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