There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
