Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
