why didn't you poke me back
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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