I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
