i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
