I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
