Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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