How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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