If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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