I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
