i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
