***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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