Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
