did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
