direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
