TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
