I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
