We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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