we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
