Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
