Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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