im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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