I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
