There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
