White coat. Heels.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who put my cat in the fridge?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
