she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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