Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
