I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
