I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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