dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
