I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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