Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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