I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
