mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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