I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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