so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
