Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
