I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
