Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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