She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
