why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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