You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
