If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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