i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
