Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
