We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
