i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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