Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
