I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
