So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
