Sry I called you an 8
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
