i can't believe i had my finger in that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
