My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
