We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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