Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is Oprah even human
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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