I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
