tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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