yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize