I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
