i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
