Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
