i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
