I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
