White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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