Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
