Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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