Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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