Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
