it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
