just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
