Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
