Where are you?
In a non slutty way
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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