Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can't special order awesome
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
