his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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