Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
