Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
