Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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