Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
