theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
