DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize