Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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