I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
