dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
