Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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