the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
