i need an iv and a liver transplant
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize