I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
